Keeping the flame alive in long-term relationships can be pretty hard and it’s easy to get into a boring, mundane routine.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, keeping the spark alive is much easier than you might think.
It’s not about buying her sexy lingerie or learning how to pull off gymnastic sex moves, it’s much more simple than that.
Instead, the secret to lasting sexual desire is something called responsiveness, researchers reveal.
That’s when you show your partner that you value them – that you understand and appreciate their needs and support their goals, says study author Gurit Birnbaum, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya in Israel.
“It signals to your partner that you are really concerned with their welfare and that they are special,” she told Men’s Health.
In a series of three studies, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the professor found the answers to sexual attraction.
Researchers examined how couple’s communicated online and in person and participants recorded their sexual desire to their partners daily.
Results revealed that a responsive partner made the other person feel special and women in particular found their partner more sexually desirable as a result.
“Responsiveness conveys the impression that you feel your partner is worth pursuing, and thus engaging in sex feels like it’s improving an already valuable relationship,” Birnbaum added.
Here are three easy ways to be more responsive (and therefore more sexually desirable):
1. Don’t get defensive
If you feel like your partner is criticising you your natural response might be to get defensive.
But acting this way only makes the situation worse. She doesn’t want an explanation, she wants you to acknowledge her feelings.
Instead of acting all defensive try listening to what she has to say and appologize for upsetting her.
2. Respond to her
This might sound obvious but it’s easy to get complacent when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time.
Often in the beginning you will text back immediately to every message she send you, but after a while you might push it to the bottom of your to-do list.
But it’s important to respond to her to show her you still care.
“Communication is like an endless game of catch,” said Jonathan Shippey, a master certified Gottman Institute therapist. “If she throws the ball and you don’t throw it back, game over.”
Failing to text back might not seem like a big deal, but over time it could leave her feeling neglected.
3. Listen to her
If you’re not sure how she’s feeling and don’t know how to respond try paraphrasing what she just said.
For example “This is what I’m hearing...do I have that right?”
This is a great technique because it shows that you are listening to her and gives you times to come up with a thoughtful response.
These may seem like simple tips, but making sure she’s heard could lead to a boost in the bedroom, according to science.
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